My Testimony--How I got saved

I was born in Indonesia 26 years ago. I spent 11 years of my life in a little island close to Singapore because of my dad's job in a oil company. My mom started her own business of catering, restaurant and importer when I was 3 years old. So basically both of my parents were so busy and I left alone in a pretty big house with nanny and maid and drivers. During those time I didn't have a lot of time with my parents. I grew up lonely but also self-centered. Spoiled by money and toys and clothes and all material things.

But when I was 11 years old my parents separated. My mom took me and my little brother to Jakarta (capital city of Indonesia). We moved to a small house, later I found out that my mom lost her business. And my dad mostly disappeared and absent from my life.

In the age of 12 after lots of changes in my life I became rebellious. I started to smoke and drink alcohol. In the age of 13 I decided that God is not exist. And then from smoking and drinking I move to drugs. In the age of 16 I got raped. It is the starter point where I hated my life. I tried suicide so many times but I always survive (now I know its because God loves me and has plan for my life). And then I continue my life move from one guy to another guy.

So from age 13 to 23 I am totally broken. More and more broken each day. Smoke, drinks, weeds, drugs, sex, money. There were so many times all I wanted is to die. I remember I felt like a zombie. I just didn't know what I need that time. I had money, I always had boys around me, I had drugs that keeps me high but deep inside I was so empty. I was the black sheep of the family. I joined group of people that all are atheist. I was such a bitch (sorry for my word, I can't find other word to describe it). I took all things for granted. I hated my mom, I hated my dad, I hated my brother. I even hated myself. Deep inside I felt so worthless.

But then in October 2008 I met one group of young Christians. My mom through my aunt introduced me to them. They came from South Africa and they're with Ywam. That time I didn't know what is Ywam. But somehow there's something inside of each one of them that makes me want to be with them. Later I found out that they're a missionary. I spent almost a month or so with them. Lots of time of prayers and evangelism. I remembered half of didn't want to be with them because they're so Godly but then half of me found peace every time I spent time with them. Long story short, after a month or so I decided to accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.

I gave up smoking, drinking, weeds and drugs. It took me a while to finally be 100% clean. But its all because of the grace of God. I quit my job and went to do my Discipleship Training School with Youth With A Mission (Ywam).

It was 3 years ago. And God has been processing me and molding me into the woman He wants me to be. Lots of ups and down. Lots of tears and the journey is not easy. Its a journey to die to self everyday.

But its all worth it.
I am not perfect because only Him alone who is perfect. But I am His daughter and He will forever be my Father.
He fills all the emptiness inside of me. Because of Him now I have beautiful relationship with my family. Because of Him now I know that I am worth it. Because of Him I can live a peaceful life. Because of Him I am here.

And He is now the reason why I live.
To serve Him is my purpose of life.
Because without Him I am nothing.

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God." 1 Corinthians 1:27-29