I re-learned hope and trust.

I got a short message from one of my friend today. The message was about hope. Hope when looking into a future that the world says is “hopeless”. Hope when the world is posting billboards about fear.

I have always known that my hope should rest in God and that I should set my eyes on Him. But, like any stubborn woman, I could hardly grasp this until I was repeatedly bopped in the head with it. Very recently I was handed a situation that could make my future look pretty dim. This one situation and circumstance could alter so many things about my financial situation and my living situation. It could literally wipe away my independence.

But wait, I’m not independent. I am completely and fully dependent on my Father.

But me with my “independence” often ended up asking, “How does this happen? Why does this happen? Why can’t I stop it?”

For the last, well I don’t know how long, I was drowning in this never ending frustration. Not a lot of people know about it, because I am great in putting a mask and a smile. But I’ve been struggling a lot with family problems and finances, until now. I can’t really explain how much pain that I’ve been going through but it’s so heavy and it makes me cry almost every single night, thinking and crying “Where are You, o God? I think I am lost.”

I wrote about lies and deception last week, and still struggling about it. I am not perfect and will never be perfect. And these lies about “God doesn’t care. He’s too busy. You are totally lost. You are screwed. You’re worthless. Etc” keeps running around inside my head. And somehow I am tired to fight over it, and believe that I am totally lost.

And then God whispered: “No Stephanie, you’re not lost. Hear me clearly, you are not lost. I am with you and I know where we’re going. I know the way home and I’ll take you there.”

Then I said: “I am afraid. I am worried. Everything seems so blurry.”

”I know. I know what you feel. I know your struggles. Please take My hand. I know exactly where we’re going. I am with you and will always be with you, always.”

I've had this kind of conversation thousands of times. I can’t even count it. And I am amazed. Again and again He brings me into the light. He gives me hope. And He never gave up on me. He keeps calling me to trust Him. He wants me. Even though so many times I fell, so many times I doubt His mighty power; so many times I didn’t trust Him; and so many other things, He is still passionate about me.

Why is it so hard for me to trust Him? Why is it so hard for me to hope? Because I believe that I can’t trust if I don’t hope and I can’t hope if I don’t trust.

Little children trust their parents. For example, when they’re playing with their dad and then their dad throwing them into the air they believe that their dad will catch them.  And they will ask for more. They have faith in their dad. They trust him.

And why is it so hard for me to trust my Heavenly Father? The One who created me and calls me by name. He knows how much hair that I have.

“Let Me singing over you with joy, Stephanie.”

And peace comes like rain all over me. Full of hope.

God did not make His people to be people of despair and struggle. He made us to thrive and succeed and love. He built us with instruments to worship Him for the good He does for us. He has promised us a place of unimaginable beauty. A place where darkness does not reside and where fear and hurt do not visit. We live in a world where sin has entered and disrupted what God planned for us.

But we are told to not fear because God has promised these things to us. Circumstances do not change who we are in Christ and it does not change Hi promises to us. Just because something looks terrible and makes us ache inside, it does not mean we will live that way forever. God has promises for us on this earth and beyond this earth. He wants to bring us good gifts. He promises to bring gifts.

And our God is a promise keeper.

MercyMe sings a song titled “Bring the Rain”. There is a line in that song, “Lord I know there’ll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that’s what it takes to praise You, Jesus, bring the rain.”

I don’t enjoy the pain and the bad circumstances but, in the midst of my mess, I understand that one of two things will happen; God will handle the situation and take it out of my life or, I will face the problem head on and He will protect my future and open doors later on in life.

I have never experienced a hope like I am experiencing now. My circumstances look bad. They are even bit frightening and are peeking around each corner. But deep inside, I know that this mountain is not too big for my God. My Father is not surprised by the situation and He has already taken care of it. He already has plan for my future. My Father, my awesome and loving God, has whole box of promises with my name on it, and He is patiently waiting for me to have faith and accept them.