Lost and Found

Have you ever feel lost? I bet almost most of us have experienced that feeling and I know it is one of the worst feelings in the world.

This morning when I was cleaning my room I found my 3 old diaries, I wrote it when I was 14 to about 22 years old. It took me more than 5 hours to read it all. It was crazy to read it all through again. In that 5 hours I felt I was traveling in time machine; I can feel all the feelings again, all the pain, laugh, tears, depression.. EVERYTHING.

I won’t hide it, my past is not beautiful. I have more sad and depress stories, well most of it are like that. As a teenager into my young adult years; I lived with horrible depression and anxiety, I was an alcoholic and drug addict for years, I was sexually abused,  I was suffering from severe emotional problems and was in and out an anger management therapy, hospitalized so many times for trying suicide, I was crazily totally mad at God then finally didn’t believe in Him  for years. I was totally lost.

But then about 4 years ago I decided to give my life to the Lord and I’ve been living my life only for Him since then. But does it make my life problem-free? No it doesn’t.

Just few days ago I felt lost, again. I was in my room; thinking about my life, about all the plans and then suddenly I felt lost. See, over thinking can cause you to feel lost.

This is a short story why I felt lost: I’m now leading a mission team. We are planning to go to one country and stay there for a long term and disciple the locals. We are now doing a fund raising for all the needs and planning to go there early next year. Okay, so far everything sounds good. But then last week for few days in a row I felt totally lost. The need of the fund for the project is so big for me, the responsibilities of leading the team are too overwhelming, all the burdens and all the things that I have to leave behind and sacrifice for the sake of this calling are too much for me to handle; I am beyond exhausted. As the tears falling from my eyes that night; the thoughts of maybe it’s not for me, maybe I’m wrong, maybe I misheard, maybe I have walked in a wrong path, and all other maybes are killing me. Suddenly I felt lost; so lost that suddenly I don’t know where to go anymore, so lost that I almost want to give up everything. I cried, cried as loud as I can to the Lord… and there He answered me: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11). And I realized in that second that all the things that I felt are not from Him. I know that His calling and promises are true and never fails.

At some point or another EVERYONE in life feels this same thing. It's simply an attack from the enemy, and we must remember Jesus told us, that He has already overcome the world! The thing is we must keep our faith. Like what I just shared; I've been there, done that, it WAS the worst thing...however, it's also the BEST thing as well. Now don't go all ''you're nuts'' on me here, just listen, and hear me out.

While it's horrible what you go through, how you feel, etc. It's also the most wonderful, beautiful, craziest, thing you'll face. Why? Because God pulls you through it; you rejoice, you thank, you praise, you honor, and you glorify Him. You grow and mature in Him, you seek Him more, you truly learn, feel, see, and experience the REAL love, mercy, grace, compassion, understanding, patients and everything else there, is all about God!

You're so drawn into Him during this time, and even more so once you're delivered from it. The key is this: control it, don't allow it to control you. We live under grace, the grace of GOD ALMIGHTY! Once this trial is over, you shall be stronger, wiser, so many awesome things. You are learning the true awesomeness, the mighty power of God, you really experiencing Him through it.

There are times when God let us to feel lost/far from Him because He wants us to seek Him more. As His children we need to level up in our relationship with Him. And to be able to go up to the next level; we need some trials and tests. And all of that trials and tests are supposedly bringing us closer to Him.

You can feel lost but don’t let that feeling drown you and control you.

I was lost but now I am found and my Creator—my Father will never ever let me go astray again as long as I am holding His hand, His promises, His calling, His love in my heart. But don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean that He will never pursue us when we fail, He will.. always pursue us. But us humans, we have to remember who we are and who He is. We are the creature and He is the Creator, we are the one that needs to keep seeking Him and never let Him go. He will never let us go, but we often let Him go when things go not according to our will.

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears. Psalm 18:6

He hears us always. And when we feel down and lost; He is there waiting for us to reach out our hands to Him and surely He will catch us, He will hold us, He will comfort us, He will show us the right path and way, He will guide us.. ALWAYS.

Now I proclaim again:

I am crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the flesh I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me.

I can do all things through Christ.

You came to seek and save the lost. I’m lost without you, Lord.