Just last night I cried myself to sleep. Thinking about how can I do all the things that I need to do right now. I feel so powerless.
I realized that I've been living in a comfort zone in the past 1 year. The challenges are not that bad. I've been involved with 2 discipleship training schools, went for outreaches. There were hard times but I survived.
And now in the last 2 months everything suddenly changed. I've lost some of supporters, family issues, personal life issues, and then the worst was when I found out that I made a decision that is not according to God's will in my life.
Now here I am. Starting a new chapter of my life. I decided to leave Thailand and move to Hawaii to do SBS (School of Biblical Studies). And I only have less than 3 months to prepare everything. And I started it with nothing but my faith to my Father.
But I am just a human. So many times I felt powerless. Every time I looked at the amount of money that I need, I felt so small. Every time I think about a lot of things, I feel helpless. But I know it's wrong, that's why I cried myself to sleep last night. I felt I don't have enough faith to do it and I felt so low. I kept telling Him about the things that I need and then somehow I fell asleep.
Then this morning I woke up with His voice telling me: "I am your Father. Do you think I do not know what you need? I know everything that you need even before you know that you need it. And I know how to provide it all. I am the Author of everything. Believe in Me, my beloved."
I smiled, but still don't know what to do.
And then I opened my email. There's a notification of donation. I received $500 donation from anonymous.
I fell down and cried. Cried over my lack of trust.
Now I have $500.. $9500 to go..
And I promise Him not to doubt His mighty power. Not to doubt His calling in my life.
Money can be a major reason why we stop serving Him without realizing that He is the creator of everything. He is the owner of all money in the world.
All we need is faith. All He ask is trust.
It is written in Matthew 7:7-11 that He is our Father in heaven. And He knows how to give good things to His children.
Ask with faith. Trust without doubting.
Even when we doubt He will show Himself faithful.
I am serving the most faithful God. The Author of my life.
I think tonight I will cry myself to sleep again. Not because of lack of faith but because the great love that the Father has for me.
If you feel led to give towards my tuition fees or just want to see the updates of my fundraise please check it out here:
Fundraise for Steph's Bible School
