He Is The Anchor That Will Hold

Jesus

When storm comes

When hope seems so out of reach

There's one name that I can hold on to

That name is Jesus

When my heart cannot stop crying

When it is so hard to stand with my own feet

There's one hand that always holding me tight

Jesus' hand is all I need

I put all my sorrow and fear away

I choose to sit in His presence

Where His love and mercy

Lift me up once again

I cry out and calling His name

There His love comes to comfort me

That mighty hand holding me tight

And help me through the day

Jesus Jesus

The only name that comforts me

Jesus Jesus

In your presence is where I belong

Jesus Jesus

How I love Thee

Jesus Jesus

I know You are here with me

I wrote that about a year ago when my mom and dad went into the hospital at almost the same time. I remember that time very well. I remember the feeling--numb. I never though that I will read it again with the same feeling--numb.

"My life can't get any worse than this", that's what I thought few weeks ago when I failed to get US visa. I was drowning in that sadness for a little while and then I managed to feel better and ready to move forward but then something pretty bad happened again.

It was late at night on Saturday when suddenly my mom felt a massive pain in her liver. She's been struggling with liver cancer for more than 5 years. Me and my brother took her immediately to the hospital, and there she is until now.

It hit me pretty bad. Again I feel so broken, more broken than I was few weeks ago.

I left Thailand with hope that I will go and do my SBS in Kona.

I fought really hard to get the visa, with all I have.

I failed to get US visa.

My mom's health is dropping.

She is hospitalized with crazy pain in her liver.

I literally feel like I was carrying the whole universe on my shoulder.

It was so heavy. I am broken into pieces. And I am also totally broke.

It was so crazily heavy I cannot handle it. Sunday night I was weeping sobbing in my room. The pain was too strong I cannot breath. Why all of this happened to me? I cannot find the answer.

I was so mad at my self, and shockingly I was so mad at God. For a while I was trying to hide that feeling, but then I know that I was so mad at Him I cannot control it. One night I was trying to pray but no words come out from my mouth, only this thought "How could You, God?? How could You do this to me???"

Again I cried, I cried not only because of the pain but also because I was so mad at Him. I cried until I cannot cry anymore.

In that silent I can hear Him say, "Stephanie, I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. I am with you." And in that silent I can hear Him crying with me. I can feel Him holding me tight. I can feel that He's feeling all my pain. I can hear Him singing me a lullaby. I can feel Him watching me. And then I fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning feeling so much better. I can feel hope again. I repented, I asked for forgiveness. I feel free.

I told one of my friends few days ago how broken I was. I felt so alone and lonely in my own country. No church group supports, surrounded with friends from my life before with Christ, my own family and relatives not supporting me and encouraging me, I am totally broke. And that feeling successfully made me feel more depressed.

But that time I forgot one thing, one very important thing: God is always with me, no matter what. Even though I was so mad at Him, blaming Him.. He never let me go. He patiently waiting for me to realize that He is there with me.

Jesus is the anchor of my soul. He is the anchor that will always hold.

With Him as my anchor, whatever storm that comes, it will never take me away from Him. He will hold me. He always does.

And I am just a human with all my weaknesses. There were so many times I fell and doubted His goodness in my life. But He is a very loving God that no matter how often we fall, He will always calls us home. Home into His loving arms.

He promised us that when we are weak, then we are strong. We are strong because of His strength.

I am now trying to stand up again. Not with my own strength but with the strength that comes from Him. To be honest, I can still feel the pain. But now I will let Him heal it. There are still so many things running around in my head; all the bills that need to paid, my future plan, my mom's health and lots more. I think my brain will always thinking, will always working as long as I am still breathing. But my heart will always choose to believe that God will never leave me, will never forsake me.

And Jesus is truly the most beautiful name that I have ever heard. He is the best bestfriend that I could ever asked. He is the best lover. He is the greatest comforter.

I am nothing without Him. And in this craziness of my life, I am happy that I have Him. Because He is the only hope that will last.

And I know the devil was trying to take me away from Him. He was trying to tell me all the lies. He thought that he will win. But he's not and he will never ever win.

I quoted this from my friend. This is what I said over and over again for the past few days:

"Hey devil, you think you got the best of me, you think you had the last laugh, you think that everything good is gone. Think you left me broken down, think that I'd come running back. Hey devil, you don't know me because you're dead wrong! I have my loving Father with me. And you will never ever win!"

As for me right now, I will rest in my Father's presence.

I want to grasp that Jesus is enough. Jesus is enough. Jesus is enough.

No matter what happens, Jesus is enough.

To again surrender and believe that Jesus is enough.

I have to learn again to put all my trust and hope in Him alone. To put my mom's health and life in His hand and believe whatever happens, He is in control. To trust that He will provide for all the bills that I need to pay. To willingly surrender everything and believe that Jesus is enough.

Yes Lord!

I want to feel it again

Just You and me

In Your presence

Reveal to me Your beauty o Jesus

One day when I see You face to face

I want to say this to You:

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith"

(2 Tim 4:7)

And you too! Keep fight the good fight. Let's finish the race and keep the faith.

No matter what you are facing right now, let Him come and satisfy you. Let Him come and comfort you. Let Him come and loving you.

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Please keep me in your prayers as I need to see breakthrough in finances to be able to pay for hospital bills. Please pray for God's provision. Thank you so much!!
If you feel led to give, a little, a lot, any amount will be greatly appreciated by me and my mom. You can click donate. Thank you so much, may God bless you abundantly.